Now that the holidays are behind us, my part-time hours (2-days a week) have plummeted to “0″ hours a week. I try to remain optimistic and check the job-board often and have decided to try to claw myself out of this current pit I somehow landed in. Bruised, bloodied and stripped of my dignity, I am still working in a grocery store.

The other day I noticed  they were looking for a signmaker [yes, SIGN-MAKER]… someone who makes those little SIGNS that you see in grocery stores. You know the kind. Computerized bits of non-creative information. Magic-marker, handwritten bits of non-creative information and sometimes… BLACKBOARD illustrations!

I think, this is it! Finally! I can do this. It’s right, directly, squarely, most definitely, up my alley!

They need to see “samples of my work,” they say, “so bring some to the interview.” I agonize over what I will put in my portfolio. I start drawing quick marker illustrations. Then I write out the complete alphabet, and numbers too! Ooh, they might want to see chalk-board art. I take a box of my daughter’s chalk and draw some pictures and text on black paper, just to show what my work might look like on a blackboard. I chose some retail advertising that I designed, and some corproate stuff, too. Plus a bit of interesting food businesses I’ve developed and marketed. I waste HOURS on this project, but I really want the job and I really want the interview to go well, so I do it.

Without going into the particulars of the actual interview, which I believe I aced, the call came in today with the results:

Sorry, we hired someone else.

I interview for a job that I am completely qualified for (overqualified actually– if you count what I did for the past 30 years), but they decide to go with  someone else because: get this, “You didn’t prepare for the interview enough.” To elaborate on that phrase –and I quote, “you didn’t go and talk to the people in the store where you work now who are doing this job.”

So, never mind that I am totally qualified and capable (even passed the on-the-spot “handwriting test“)– because I didn’t get the low-down from people who are mindlessly doing this job in another location, I was cut.

All I can say is it is a darn good thing they aren’t interviewing for a really IMPORTANT position! They should have jumped at the chance to have someone who knows what they are doing.

I’m pretty sure this is the last straw. I’m about to throw in the towel.

I have this cute little pig-shaped ceramic refrigerator magnet holding my current weekly “shift-schedule” to the freezer door. The past couple times I opened the door, the magnet fell and the poor little pig lost a leg… which reminded me of a joke I heard once…

It goes like this …

One day a man drove by a farm and saw a three-legged pig. The man went up to the farmer and said, “Excuse me sir, but why does that pig only have 3 legs?”

“Well sir,” said the farmer, “that thar pig is very special. One time my wife was cookin’ somethin’ on the stove. She stepped out of the kitchen and burnt the house clear down to the ground. That pig saved me, my wife, and my 2 kids!”

“That’s amazing sir but why does that pig only have three legs? Did he lose one in the fire?” said the man.

“Then there was that time the pig saw a big storm a-comin’ and we didn’t. That pig ran into the house and dragged all of us out to the storm cellar to safety. If it weren’t for that pig we’d all be dead.”

“But still, that doesn’t explain why the pig has only…”

“And I remember the time my youngest son was stuck up in a tree but I was too far away to hear him screamin’. That pig came running towards me and led me di-rectly to my son.”

“Well, that is a miracle but how come that pig only has 3 legs?” the man said quite annoyed at this point.

“Well,” said the farmer, “with a pig that special…

…you can’t eat him all at once.”

###

It’s a good thing I’m such a wealth of talent.

End of story.

“It’s not your fault.”

“It’s never been your fault.”

So goes the text of a rather humorous exchange posted on YouTube that sends my daughter and me into fits of silly laughter every now and then. The visual that goes along with it is of 2 cats trying their best to put paranoia into the mind of their friend — just for yucks.

###

The other day while my daughter and I were out picking up a few things in the grocery store, she turned to me and said,”it’s not your fault, mom.” And then clarified. “it’s not your fault that you work in a grocery store now.”

“I know, it’s never been my fault,” I answered, trying for a chuckle … but it hit too close to home.

Following a decade of disaster, I am trying to remain positive. Seriously. But sometimes I feel like the gods are just not cooperating.

January 1, 2010 I received a phone call from my boss: “We don’t have the budget to put you on the schedule for next week. Sorry.”

True story.

It’s December 31, 2009.

Snow has been quietly falling outside my window for the past hour  –silently erasing the gnarled brown tufts of grass and piles of still unraked leaves. It’s covering up the ugly exposed bits of earth with a clean white blanket and turning it into a brand new winter playground.

Life should be so simple.

Lately when I think of myself, I get the image of a stump-legged pigeon for some reason. You know the one. Still flying in the group; gathering at all the feeding holes; pecking around for crumbs; all the while hobbling around on that stump leg of his.

Guess I’m actually feeling “better” about life lately. This image says to me: you may be down, but you’re not dead. You can still fly if you put your mind to it.

I’ve been inspired by those in my community of creative people who have taken the “lemons” they were given and made “lemonade” with them. They successfully re-invented themselves professionally. They seem to be genuinely happy about the changes in their lives.

Had my creative unemployment actually come with a genuine “pinkslip”, then it probably also would have come with some sort of severance pay and unemployment compensation. In my defense, I think I fell so hard, because I had no buffer. There were only the cryptic, apologetic, emails from former clients and then, the phone stopped ringing.

My first reaction was to reach back into my bag of tricks. I thought I might have a (pardon the pun) “leg-up” on the competition by following a [former] passion – food. If you have followed this blog at all, you have seen that didn’t go where I had hoped it would.

So, I’m going to crawl from the wreckage, again. Take the extra time “offered” to me by not being offered full-time employment, and see what I can muster.

This time I have new parameters:

Raw talent. Non-perishable.

Stay tuned.

While out walking the dog this morning, a friend drove by in her car and stopped to ask briefly how I was doing. “Life,” I told her, “was sucking.”

“Oh, it can’t be that bad” she said. “You’re so talented!”

yea, well…. so much for “talent,” I say.

Apparently, talent gets you nowhere in this economy, unless you are under 35.

Since my position in the upscale grocery store has been downgraded to part-time (see prior posts regarding talent and movin’ on up) and I am no longer eligible for health benefits, I have upped the job search. I am considering everything from totally career appropriate to “I can absolutely do that!”

In the past 2 weeks I have sent out roughly 12 applications and scored “0″ (zero) interviews. This does not exactly surprise me since I have only managed 2 interviews in the past 12 months.

What I am finding interesting is the language used in rejection emails:

• Although we are unable to further your candidacy for this specific position at this time, we appreciate your interest in …
• As you may be aware, we had an enormous number of qualified applicants from which to choose and hired one of them today.
• We found you to be a most talented and interesting person. While we did select another candidate, it was a most difficult decision.
• Although your experience and background are quite impressive, we did not choose your resume to be included among those who will be interviewed.
• We will review your pdf based on the requirements of this position’s profile.  If we do not reach out to you for this position, we will keep your resume on file for future opportunities.
  
• [resume]  has been reviewed against our job criteria and we did not find a match at this time.
  

and finally~

• This email is to let you know that we have closed the position.

I can only think that this repeated rejection and consequent soul-searching is “happening for a reason.” The stars are aligning and will eventually bring forth justice and a new life.

…which brings me to my “southern horoscope”. (Forwarded to me by my dear father-in-law)

According to the occurrence of my birth under the stars of the southern sky, I would be a “Possum”.

POSSUM (Apr 21 – May 21)
When confronted with life’s difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don’t-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you’re dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won’t work and you may find your problems actually running you over.

Enough said.

Today is my one year anniversary of “Plan B.” Given where this has taken me: the birth of this blog and my state of mind at the moment, I don’t think it’s going to work. So, I am now back to brainstorming.

Did I learn anything? Yes, most definitely.

I learned a lot about myself:

1. I am without a doubt a “creative” person.
   One night one of my co-workers remarked to me that she is constantly blown away at how I always come up with lots of ideas. Tons of ideas. Ways of doing things; Ways of re-doing things; Thinking of things to do.
2. My mundane tolerance is approximately 3 months.
   I cannot “hold my breath” longer than that without getting frustrated. It occurred to me that the only time I have had to take a job that required only that you smile, be nice and wait on people, was when I was in high-school and college. These jobs were only summer-seasonal. I only had to tread water for 3 months while I worked to save money for school. A steady diet of this makes me crazy!
   
3. I am a person of character and find it difficult to show up at one of these jobs without my “A” game.
   I always bring my brain to work which makes it exceedingly difficult to function consistently at such a low level – without creative or educational challenges.

I need to make a move before I sink to the depths of depression. There, I said it out loud. Depression.

My friends and co-workers see anger and frustration, but it’s depression for real. I feel terrible about it. I hate being a person who doesn’t laugh as often as they used to, and seems always “on the verge” of tears.

Hopefully, I’ll get through this.

Maslow argued that the lowest-level needs must be met before a person will try to satisfy needs higher up in the hierarchy, such as self-esteem needs. According to the theory, the lowest level of unmet needs in the hierarchy is the prime motivator of behavior. If and when this level is satisfied, needs at the next level in the hierarchy will begin to motivate behavior.

Under this theory, individual growth is key to an organization’s success. Supervisors must attempt to identify individual employee needs and foster employee job satisfaction. If they do so, employees will progress toward self-actualization, and will improve the organization in the process. Following is a partial list of the various rewards, practices, and programs that supervisors and their organizations may use to satisfy employee needs.

Physiological (Basic) Needs

• Furnish a pleasant and comfortable environment
• Provide for a “comfortable” salary

Security Needs

• Adhere to safety rules and regulations
• Minimize layoffs and downsizing
• Provide well-defined job descriptions
• Minimize negative stroking and threatening behavior
• Provide information about the firm’s financial status and projections
• Provide “just” compensation and supportive fringe benefits

Social Needs

• Encourage the team concept to execute projects
• Systematically use job satisfaction surveys
• Sponsor office business and social meetings
• Provide close personal leadership
• Encourage participation in professional and community groups
• Compensate on the basis of total team performance

Self-Esteem Needs

• Include employees in goal-setting and decision-making processes
• Provide opportunities to display skills and talents
• Provide recognition symbols—for example, print names on stationery
• Provide opportunities for coaching and development
• Use a positive reinforcement program
• Pay attention to office size, office location, parking spaces, and other perks
• Institute a mentor system
• Compensate as a recognition of growth

Self-Actualization Needs

• Provide for participation in goal-setting and decision-making processes
• Provide opportunities and support for a career-development plan
• Provide job rotation to broaden experience and exposure
• Offer optimal innovative and risk-taking opportunities
• Encourage direct-access communication with clients, customers, suppliers, and vendors
• Provide challenging internal and external professional development opportunities
• Provide supportive leadership that encourages a high degree of self-control
• Compensate as a reward for exceptional performance

This installment of FM Check List is adapted from BOMI Institute’s Administration, (www.bomi-edu.org/12121.html), a course in BOMI Institute’s Systems Maintenance Administrator (SMA) program.